hye wow its been a while left my bloq without updating it..hehehe..
what is new??All is new my status ,my life and my job plus.....
hurmm dunno where to start now..i just wanna let the whole world know about my pain.. But i cant no of them will understand what i'm feeling now..only god knows what exactly i'm goin thru as i feel so so pain now.
let me tell a story about my love as we date out for almost 1 year and the half. I just dont know where and what is my mistakes. i guess its to short to tell although i have free of thousand of pages here..
how to start??
Well i meet her at internet a year ago and we dated out from there.. I always travel to her place almost every weekends.I tell my mum and my family about him and my family accepted him as their children and i'm so so happy ever since i meet him.. Lots of things happen in my self such stop smoking, being honest to him and my self and my family..lot's of thing we been thru for almost 2 years and the day came as i never expected to happen in my life happen to me..Damn..!!! they cheated on me alive and i caught them red handed..
i was so frust and speechless as i get the news that they were together almost a month with out telling me and there worse case is he dated out with my best friend..Damn!!!! i hate it..I dunno what should i do next..i'm totally not ready to back in single again cos i love him too much and love him more than my life...I would o anything just for him..
I ask him what and why he didnt tell me the truth..He answer me in very simple word.. I cant tell you i'm afraid that you get upset..!! Wow i feel surprise to hear that....Damn.. I started to cry and cry and in the same time begging him not to leave me..Silly me.. i totally have no idea why did i react in that way..Gosh i never do this to other person entire of my life but him??Hurmm.. i was confused i have no 1 to talk to and i called up siti and tell her the real story..She was so so surprise when i tell her the truth and asked me to calm down..
The next day i meet him and his partner and asked the real story.When they tell me the truth i was tot they were joking and trying to fool me..But when i see into their deep eyes i know they not joking and it true.
I just cant take it anymore and i dont know where should i hide myself where should i go ..There's 1 nite i drove myself up to mountain..I totally confused, dont know where to go and i keep on dirving as far as i can..
i reach the mountain around 1am and didnt sleep and keep on thinking what and where is my mistakes..try to figure things out,trying to make my self happy but it didnt works..i'm trying to be honest to all people that i love.All the same..I dont know and i;m confuse when i'm updating blog,my tears keep on falling..
Oh god at once i hate my self so so much and i was trying to commit suicide .I just cant take it anymore.
i keep asking myself why this thing always happen to me? am i a bad person?? am i to good to people ??
Im speechless now..i cant think very well ..
I keep on crying n thinking what and where is my mistakes..I hate it i hate them i really hate them ..I hate him but in the same time i love him.. I make my self happy i went to meet janet and chris we went out to have a drink i even travel up to brunei to meet mimi..After telling him the truth,she understand me and she even show me a book thats showing people characters..When mimi explain to me, i read the whole book's and at once seems i understand what exactly happen to him and we started to give him a new name..Since he was born on the 20, the he should be number 2...
Yes the number should not attach with me..I just have no idea when he tell me the other person is number 3..wowowo......
what a surprise to me..Mimi explain the situation to me since she is number 3 and her husband is number 3..when i hear the whole story now i know the situation is..
But yet number 2 still attache with number 3..After my visit from brunei,i meet number 3 and tell him what exactly he is and he respond the same..He is confuse what he want actually..
They had a fight, and both of them called me up and asking what is going on..I cant answer them cos i have my problem too..Damn it..After a day number 3 called me up and tell me what exactly he decide..And he choose number 2 to be in his life...
Well i know there is no point for me to wait number 2 anymore..I just cant take it anymore..i keep on calling mimi almost every hour..
After her advice i guess i can survive now even though is really pain for me now..Hate this i really hate this..Oh please help me..i cant live without him..Hope this thing will gone from my mind soon..its been 2 weeks i didnt get a proper sleep...I did try but it doesnt works...
I wondering how did they feel happy seeing me in pain..i really hope this feeling will travel to them some day..
i'll prove to them that i can stand on my own,i can live without number 2 although it take time for me to heal..
There is no word can describe what is my feeling now...
I hope i can forget them but in the same time im still waiting for number 2 to come back to me after what he done to me..How stupid am i...
Please leave me alone now.. I just want to be happy..Thanks a lot with the memory.. I'll keep and will remember it....
